Celebrating the Nurturers!

The stage is set for the winter concert in the beautiful Chapel...the auditorium is full..and the spotlight shines brightly on the faces..which are about to show of their musical talents..

In the row ahead of me- I see one of the women who works in my office building with her family, especially a pretty and energetic little girl who is perhaps about six or seven years old..She turns around and smiles at me..and I smile back...the concert begins with some great performances...the little girl seems to get a little bored..She turns around and smiles again and again...her parents seem to notice her restlessness and perhaps feel that she is distracting me and others..so they try to "shush" her up "sshh..Shssh"...but she does not give up- she makes a kind of "fixating" eye contact with her twinkling eyes...and I can't take my eyes off her either! (*And I think to myself- "God help the boys and men with whom she is going to eye contact in the future- they are irresistible!")…She is doing all kinds of things to get my attention..gives me a hymn book from her isle..then she begins to say something in a whispering voice...it is not hard to lip-read what she is saying....rather asking me..."What’s your name?"...her parents pull her dress collar and make her sit still..she is quiet for a few minutes, but asks again "What’s is your name?" the people around us seem to getting be distracted as well….I look away, avoiding any contact...she seems to settle down a little! At the end of the concert...I lean forward and shake her little hands- and tell her my name and ask hers.”Lauren" she says..Her mother and I exchange a few pleasantries and leave..

A few days later...after a tired day at work I was getting ready to go home..I hear a knock on the door..and it Lauren's mother with Lauren..."She wanted to see you..since her school closed early today she is here with me!"

"That's so nice".."Hello Lauren!"

She seems shy..Lauren's mother gets a call on her cell-phone..."Can she stay with you for a few minutes?..I have to go my office..will be right back."

"Sure, take your time."

Lauren seems to get comfortable..she walks around my office...looks at all the pictures.."Who is this?"..I tell her..."Who is this?" "and this?" I tell her.."ahh...so many pictures! all people give you pictures?!"...I reply,"Yes, they do and  I put them up there"..

She pauses.."But where is your girl's picture?"

"My girl? What girl?....I ask for clarification.."Who are you asking me about Lauren?"

"Where is your baby girl...your daughter?"

I get it now...."Ohh...I don't have a daughter!"

"Did you want her?"

"Of course..I did"...I pretend to make a very sad face.."I did"..

She seems to understand almost intiutively...”you wanted a girl, but you jussst couldn't have her?"...she becomes animated...thinks about it and throws her arms up in the air!

I try hard to control myself from laughing...and nod seriously.."I really couldn't have her!"

Now she tries to comfort me..."It's okay Maria.....my Mommy says we “couldn't" have everything we want"...

Where did that come from? So adorable and quite profound:-)

"I guess so Lauren...see those all photographs of young ladies...I think of some of them as my girls sometimes!"

She does not seem convinced..and goes on to tell me about her baby brother...how she helps to take care of him..and seems to take pride in helping to take care of him..Her mother returns and they leave…

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It is one of those hardest calls one has to make…

But, it has to be done..a courtesy call to offer support to a family who is grieving the loss of a loved one ...In this case, it was even more difficult..it is a homicide..The young man who died was only eighteen years old, a college student...whose life was taken away in a senseless robbery attempt by another eighteen-year old.

*Even in the land of plenty- USA the gap between the "haves" and "have nots" seems to be growing too.. and being in the wrong place at the wrong time...in the path of someone who does not "value life" and may not be concerned about taking it for a few dollars is all it takes.. more importantly, for whatever “reasons”the easy availability of literally millions of all kinds of firearms on the streets of the US seem to be

certainly contributing to the enormity of it...Is it surprising that disasters are

aplenty?...And for all the talk of "saving us" from international violence…how about saving us from the threats of violence we face inside the US.. and how are we going to stop violence, when almost anyone can get a gun, murder and wound as many as they can..sometimes effortlessly with these automatic weapons? The same old meaningless line "Guns don't kill people, people do" is repeated....don't we know that?..how stupid does one have to be?..And if guns don't kill and wound...what is the purpose to really have one? "For harmless hunting?" as it is often claimed..Why does one need an automatic weapon for that?

Some well-intentioned people have even suggested to harmless me- to carry a gun "for my protection" since I am mostly in "high-risk areas"....a lot of good that would do for me, if I have to wear a label "Maria- armed and dangerous!" Don't I have enough trouble already to deal with? I have no intentions to spend my precious time..worrying about how "to protect my precious gun"(!) at all times and how and when I am supposed to jump up and use it or let someone take it and make it easier for them?!..

No thanks, I'll take my chances without it...

Anyways...someone answers the phone...I ask for the parents of the victim..

"This is Mrs. Parker"..she has a gentle voice, yet a firm tone.

I identify myself and offer my condolences.”It must be such a difficult time for you"...I say the usual..."Please let us know, if there is anything we can do"...

She thanks me....and goes on to talk about her son she loved..how excited she was and looking forward to seeing him on Mother's Day, but how she will never see him again and it is heartbreaking to listen...her pain and aching are palpable..

Suddenly she pauses...and says something extraordinary.."I feel bad for the young man's mother who shot my son since it must be hard for her too..I cannot understand why this happened....we try to raise our children as best we can...but so many things can go wrong and go wrong...and we mothers suffer like this losing our children...it is too much....I don't want anybody to go through what we are going through"...

Her empathy for that other mother is touching...May be she is still in shock or denial...but the unmistakable goodness in her comes through...

"You are a strong lady...amazing." I say softly.

"I have to be… my family is devastated…I have to be strong for them."

It is obvious who the "rock" is in this family is- the tower of grace and strength who is trying to hold the family together- and not let it fall apart...On this Mother’s Day- wherever you may be...I hope you can think about and reach out to mothers who have lost their children and to children who have lost their mothers or someone who has taken on the role of a nurturer…

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It is another late afternoon..

She comes running in...Yes, it's my new little friend Lauren..

"Hello Lauren...how are you?"

"I'm good...see what I brought you!"...

It is a lovely picture of her....

"Wow, that is very sweet of you...and thank you so much!"

She orders me..what to do!

"Maria, you should put my picture next to your boy's picture."

"Sure, I will do that- wouldn't put it anywhere else!"

I am sure in a few years...Lauren will forget all about me and these times...

But, I will always remember this special little girl who is a "born nurturer" who went out of her way and tried to make me feel better with her most thoughtful words and gift!

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*There is something hauntingly spiritual and powerful about nurturers (no matter how old they are, whether they could or couldn't- have or haven't had babies)..Their presence is revealing, soothing and nourishing!

The universe can always use a few extra nurturers...

Happy Mother's Day in advance-to all nurturers~ of body, mind and spirit!

Maria